I put so much stress on my wife. Much of it appears to be a transference from me to her.
Because of my thyroid and adrenal gland problems, (as well as my other health issues) I cannot handle much stress. The stress might come from a movie we are watching where one person does something stupid and harmful to another person, or the news, or anything having to do with “The Donald.”
As the stress starts to increase I begin to shiver inside. My brain shuts down to most logical thought, as it jumps from this one case of injustice and how it hurts people, to a related case of injustice and its effects, and then to injustices related to that, and on and on. Each case of injustice hurts my heart and increases the stress. My shivering increases which makes my normal, constant physical pain increase. A terrible spiral into physical, emotional, and mental pain.
It’s like body surfing in a river of endless white water rapids. Barely catching my breath before being plunged deep between rocks and water. Bubbles all around, but no air to breath.
I avoid talking (or reading, or watching) about “The Donald” and other purveyors of the white water injustices.
Leaving it all to my wife. She can’t use me to help exorcise her own anger with life’s larger stresses. She carries it all – for both of us.
In addition, she has to handle the stress of watching my body be battered by my diseases.
For a long time, I tried to minimize her stress by trying to hide mine. Soon, this devolved into a toxic spiral of barely contained anger and frustration, which was not good for either of us.
My current alternative is to try to recognize early when I fall into the white water rapids. Then I just stop the conversation/movie/story, explaining that the stress is overwhelming me. I know that my wife then carries the stress, but for now, I don’t know what else to do.
This process is helping me regain dry land, but my wife is paying the cost.